Asked about how long it would take him to bed a woman he had just met, Ken Maina does not take a second to think about the answer.
“Two hours is enough. If by this time there is no deal, then there will be no deal. I will just move on,” he says without batting an eyelid.
“Two hours is enough. If by this time there is no deal, then there will be no deal. I will just move on,” he says without batting an eyelid.
To Maina, the more educated a woman is, or the more financially-stable she is, the easier it is to nail her.
In days gone by, men felt intimidated by academic titles or the plush cars that women drove and would take time before bringing up the issue of sex. Not anymore.
“For my age-mates, it’s easier to get the corporate woman into casual sex the very first time you meet her,” says Maina in his late 20s. “They want a younger man who is not busy with his life, someone they can hook up with on a Friday for a night of riotous drinking and romping and on Monday, she is ready to begin another hectic week at the office.
Maina explains why a modest man in Nairobi will easily get a woman for casual sex on a weekend.
“This woman is financially-stable and her weekday schedules are tight. She may not even have a steady boyfriend and when the weekend knocks, she has to look for some action before the grinds starts again on Monday,” says Maina who works for Sage Modelling and Casting Agency in Nairobi.
Enock Giteya thinks Maina’s two hours is too long.
“Within an hour of meeting a woman these days, you can bed her if you go full throttle and if she likes you, that’s all it takes,” he says.
Giteya does not beat about the bush on his intentions when he meets a woman who takes his fancy and according to him, many women like it.
“My experience is that if you are attracted to a woman and you tell her just what you want from her, the game gets easier,” he explains.
Some women, he says, especially the ones at universities, get bored when you go round and round without coming clean on exactly what you want.
“Several have told me when they are directly confronted by a man, it means the men are confident and women like confident men who are able to take charge of any situation,” says Giteya, a biotechnology graduate.
These are men barely in their 30s talking about their experiences with the modern Nairobi woman.
These men say they do not have the time it takes to chase or the patience.
According to them, it is no longer a scenario of a woman saying no when she means yes.
Today’s woman, will sometimes even initiate the whole issue.
It has little to do with moral decay or being loose. It is also not about being ignorant of the consequences of casual sex.
But even though the men enjoy what is offered, many feel that women in Nairobi are giving in too easily.
As men “lack time” for a thrilling and often adventurous chase after a woman they have eyed, many women seem keen to advance what some women are calling in social circles as “man tasting.”
Apparently, before this dream man comes along, they will have had several sexual encounters with men they are not emotionally connected with.
From entertainment joints to hotels, from institutions of higher learning and colleges to work places, from the estate to the daily matatu ride, picking up sexual talk with a total stranger isn’t a big deal anymore.
Infact, according to several men, some women seem to love such talk – which shows that they would not be averse to taking matters a notch higher should the opportunity present itself.
A former colleague says that on several occasions, he has struck such a talk with women he hardly knew in a matatu and ended up going with them in “the same direction after alighting”.
Luvale Wafula, a former student leader at Kenyatta University gives three steps in which you can’t go wrong if you indeed want to sleep with a Nairobi woman you have just met.
“Exchange phone numbers on day one. Call her the following day for coffee (or juice, nowadays) and you can have her on that material day,” he says.
He adds, “Those who are more patient will have a go at a woman on the third meeting, meet and exchange numbers, call her the next day for coffee and let her go home. Call her on the third day for a drink and if she accepts, you know you will end up with her in your house,” says Luvale who now works for an international organisation in Nairobi.
The moment a woman gives you her mobile phone number, says Luvale, it means she is open to communication with you and she wouldn’t mind seeing you again.
“Trust me this communication will not be work-related or about serious business. It is social or even sexual if you know how to play your cards,” he adds.
Martin Onywera, 38, believes most of today’s so-called modern women will commit themselves to a man who is lacking in that department.
“Once you have proved you can provide for her financial needs (by how much you spend) she will want to sample your other attributes before she can make up her mind about you. That is how women today end up having sex with so many potential lovers,” says Onywera, an accountant.
Given an hour, Frank Ongwae will be able to approach a woman in Nairobi and be “through with all that appertains to men and women,” he claims.
He has realised many women these days do not want a man who pursues them too seriously immediately they meet and would retreat when you seem like you are seriously pursuing marriage.
“Many Nairobi women especially those in their 20s want to have a man around them and still have fun without strings attached. It’s like having their cake and eating it,” says Ongwae, a banker.
Luvale is perplexed that a dangerous trend is shaping up in Nairobi where a woman you have slept with will find you with another woman and still forgive you.
“In the earlier days, infidelity was a sure way of cutting off a relationship. These days, she will just rant and will believe you when you tell her it will not happen again,” he says.
The art of seduction has been watered down, our interviewees agree, and the several days, or months, a man would wait before being intimate with a woman is no longer workable.
Both men and women are in a hurry to finish things. It is a dilemma to many women.
“You accept to go the whole hog very fast, and someone thinks you are too, you play hard to get and the guy gets someone else who is ready and willing the next day. It is complicated for women,” says Onywera.
As technology catches up and things move fast, so is the dating scene.
“People want to get into something, and get results instantly. If it doesn’t bear fruits, they immediately abandon it. Sexual encounter is one of those things men and women want to get in and out of as fast as possible,” adds Giteya.
Posted Saturday, July 2 2011 at 00:00
Anthony Weiner is hardly the first politician or celebrity to get tripped up by using modern technology while engaging in sexual relationships — whether real or virtual — outside his marriage. Though in a world of text messages and email scandals, Weiner may earn the ignominious recognition as the first U.S. politician to be brought down by Twitter. But there are other notables who can share the spotlight with Weiner for their unfaithful actions, trapped by technology: