Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts

Android Market update to allow movie, book purchases by phone

Google plans on rolling out an update to its Android Market that will allow users to rent movies or buy books from their smartphones.
The update will be available to devices running the Android 2.2 operating system or higher, says a post on the official Google Mobile Blog.
Both movie rentals and book purchases are connected to the user's Google account, allowing them to download items across several devices such as phones, tablets or a PC.
The move is part of a broader redesign of the Market on mobile devices, including collections such as Top Charts and Editor's Picks.
Google says the update will appear in the coming weeks. Currently, users can add movie rentals or book purchases to their phones through the Android Market website.

New Rules For Employment (crazy post)

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, Relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with ''''''''''''''''A'''''''''''''''' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names begin with ''''''''''''''''B'''''''''''''''' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you''''''''''''''''re unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees'''''''''''''''' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

8 Activities Prohibited After You Eat

Here’s some activities prohibited to be done after You eat. Some of these activities are usually done by us. So Maybe better not to do that again after You read this post

1. Do not smoke

Do not smoke after eat

Experiment from experts proves that smoking a cigarette after a meal comparable to smoking 10 cigarettes (the possibility of cancer is higher).

2. Do not Eat Fruits directly

Do not eat fruit directly

Do not eat the fruit directly- Eat fruits directly after meals will cause stomach to be bloated with air. Therefore Eat fruit 1-2 hours after eating or 1 hour before.

3. Do Not drink Tea

Do not drink tea

Do not drink tea – Because tea leaves contain a high acid content. This substance will cause the protein content in the foods we eat will be hardened thus difficult to digest.

4. Do Not Loosen Your Belt

Do not loosen your belt

Do not loosen your belt – Loosen the belt can cause the intestine twisted and blocked.

5. Do Not Take a Bath

Do not take a bath

Bathing that done after a meal will increase blood flow to the hands, feet and body that causes the amount of blood around the stomach will continue to decrease. This will weaken the digestive system in the stomach.

6. Do Not Take a Walk

Do not take a walk after eat

Walking will cause the digestive system cannot absorb nutrients from the foods you eat.

7. Do Not Sleep directly

Do not sleep directly

Do not follow your sleepiness after eat. Sleeping after eating a meal resulted that the food can not be digested well. As a result, the intestine can be bloating and bowel inflammation occurs.

8. Do Not Drinking Water Ice

Do not drink ice after eat

Do Not Drink Cold Water Ice – Cold water will freeze greasy foods, especially fatty foods you eat. Fat that is formed in the intestines and will result in narrowing intestinal tract, leading to obesity. Switch to drink warm water.

Here's the Biggest or Largest Pussy in the World

http://allworldsecrets.blogspot.com/2012/10/here-is-worlds-biggest-and-largest.html Go to the link

Quite Possibly, the World's Largest Vagina

Yesterday, I got report on my rooms, including Room 5. Room 5 was a female, in her late 40's, and weighed somewhere between 250 - 300 lbs. She had come to the ER because her chronic back pain had gotten too intense to handle at home. She was unable to lie on a bed because of her severe pain and had been sleeping sitting up in a chair at home for a few weeks. When offered pain medication, the pt. declined. She also complained of abdominal pain and diarrhea, but since she couldn't lie flat, we weren't able to do a CT scan or MRI or pelvic ultrasound.

We tested her stool and it was positive for blood. She gave a urine sample, and there was also blood in her urine. I told the doctor about these results, and he said that "we" needed to get a sterile urine sample by catheter. "We" in these situations means ME.

About every 10 minutes, the patient had to go into the bathroom to have bloody diarrhea. Her sheer girth made it impossible for her to clean herself thoroughly. She couldn't lie down on the hospital gurney. All these details equaled me wanting to quit my job on the spot.

Usually, a catheter is easily inserted with a patient lying supine on the bed. ER nursing is all about ingenuity. So I had the pt. stand on the floor, leaning over with her hands resting on the gurney, legs spread apart, with one leg hiked up on a chair.... underwear off.... gown pulled up around her shoulders. It was me, on my knees, face to face with The Vagina. I attempted to spread the labia with one hand, used betadine to clean the area, and then with my sterile hand, to insert the catheter tube. My head was basically in her crotch. Trying to find the urethral opening was like searching for a particular crevice in the Grand Canyon. After fruitless poking and prodding, I gave up, threw away my soiled supplies, and got back to my feet. The pt. went to the toilet again.

Totally frustrated and irritated and grossed out, I found the nurse who had given me report earlier that morning to elicit her help. I described the problem. She agreed to assist. It was definitely a two-nurse job.

I told my fellow nurse that I would hold the folds of flesh apart so that she could find the hole and insert the tube to get the urine sample. We steeled ourselves outside the pt. room. Before we went in, I whispered, "If she shits on my head while I'm under there, I'm going home for the day."

The pt. again assumed the position, and we got on our knees beneath The Vagina. Using both hands, I pulled the skin apart to expose the perineal area. It went on and on, seemingly forever. The other nurse looked at me, we both stifled gags and giggles, and we proceeded. My arms were aching already from the strength required to hold her flesh apart, and my knees burned from kneeling on the floor. My friend cleaned the extensive area, and then inserted the tube into what looked like the appropriate opening. The pt. shrieked in discomfort, and we realized she had tried to penetrate too high. I motioned for her to try lower, and then, at the moment I felt I could not maintain my position for a second longer, urine flowed out of the tube. We were in! We left the room with urine cup in hand, and the other nurse looked at me, shook her head, and said, "That must be the world's largest vagina."

A true story of survival and success. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank God for giving me a mouth to breathe through instead of just my nose. I'd also like to thank my fellow nurse for being willing to go in with me, where I'm sure few have gone before. Now, if only I could forget the images burned into my mind.

Posted by ernursejenny on

THIS MUST BE A JOKE......but hey!!! Its becoming true

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: Scroll down... ..You'll love this ...

Better sex Are you interested in having better sex with her?

Proceed with caution
Do not criticize your wife. This will have a negative effect. You must be very gentle with your wife. Remember, it's not what you say but how you say it. Be honest about how you feel. Let your wife know that you would like to try new things in the bedroom such as a new position. Make suggestions. Just remember to be very gentle with your approach and avoid making your wife feel inadequate.
Don't be pushy
Once you have spoke with your wife about how you feel don't keep bringing it back up. Say how you feel, make a few suggestions and then give her some time. Your wife will need time because her feelings may be a little hurt by the fact that she is not pleasing you in the bedroom. She will need a little time to herself before she will feel comfortable trying out some of the suggestions you have made.
Be a good listener
Most men automatically think their wives are no longer attached to them sexually. Although this can sometimes be the case, often times it is not. A woman's body goes through an unbelievable amount of changes. Some women as they get older become fearful of showing off their bodies. Your wife may also be going through menopause or have a medical condition that is affecting her sex drive. It is important to talk to your wife but more important to listen.

Give her a gift
If you are still unsure of how to approach the topic of sex with your wife you might consider giving her a gift that lets her know where you are coming from. For instance you could give her a book with different sexual positions or a new sexy outfit. Besides being a nice gesture giving a gift is also a great way to spark up a conversation. This could make it a little bit easier for you to talk to your wife about your sexual wants and needs. In short, don't avoid talking to your wife about sex. Just remember to be gentle and above all be a good listener.
.........by a FAN (NAME WITHELD)

Earthplane coach

by Daves Solomon

The Earthplane coach operates on the Nairobi-Garissa highway route, passing by Mwingi and middle towns on the Nairobi-Garissa highway.
The Terms and conditions are

ticket valid for date and time of travel,
ticket holder to report 30minutes to departure time,
luggage carried at owners risk
A 10kg of luggage is carried free, subject to space permitting additional luggage will be earned upon payment of company standard payments
the management reserves to change of coach type without prior notice
if in any case the passenger breaks his journey en route no refund can be made
pass' requested to check on correctness of the ticket at the booking office
pass' warned not to take any food stuffs offered by strangers
passengers must board the bus at the booking office
alcoholic drinks not allowed on board, smoking or chewing of Miraa is also prohibited

To make a booking please call the below offices and Mention David as your referrer for easy booking

BRANCH OFFICE
Garissa office
PO box 57175-00200
0717 177 718/ 0722 772 376

HEAD OFFICE NAIROBI

Eastleigh Mall (Madina Mall)

PO box 57175 00200

0722 333 309/ 0722 240 873

Fast reliable and comfortable...

please refer this page to a friend!!

Kamba -The people

In this post have combined all the information i could lie my eyes and ears on The Kamba community, tribe, Culture and everything...just all i could think of!

Background

The Bantu-speaking Kamba are numerically Kenya's fourth-largest people, and live in the largely semi-arid hills of Ukambani north of the Nairobi-Mombasa road, between Nairobi and Mount Kenya and eastwards towards the Tsavo East National Park near the coast. They came originally from the region of Mount Kilimanjaro in the south, and are known in Kenya both for their skill at wood carving, and for the way in which they have successfully eked out an agricultural living from the marginal lands on which they live.

Less westernized than the Kikuyu, the Kamba have nonetheless long been in contact with Europeans, ever since the missionary Johann Ludwig Krapf arrived in 1849. Their proximity to the coast, and the need to trade (especially in times of drought), meant that the Kamba were also traders, and became deeply involved in the Zanzibar-dominated ivory and slave trade. Their knowledge of much of the Kenyan interior was thus a great help to the early western explorers and missionaries.

Still, the poverty of their land ensured that the Kamba remained less affected by European colonisation than the related Kikuyu, as the British saw little value in settling in Ukambani.

The Kamba were much involved in the struggle for independence, and were included in the post-independence government. Many Kamba traditions have disappeared or adapted to modern economic and social realities over the last few decades, such as their religion, political and social structures. Their traditional music, especially drumming, has now all but gone. In its place is a vibrant Kamba pop music - part of the "benga blast" wave of the 1980s.

Facts & Figures

Also known as: Akamba, Ukamba, Masaku, Kitui, Mumoni.

Ethnic group: Central Bantu (Niger-Congo, Atlantic-Congo, Volta-Congo, Benue-Congo, Bantoid, Southern, Narrow Bantu, Kikuyu-Kamba). They are related to the neighbouring Kikuyu and Embu peoples.

Neighbouring tribes: Embu/Mbeere, Kikuyu, Maasai, Meru, Mijikenda (Giriama), Orma, Pokomo, Taita.

Language: Most Kamba are at least bilingual in Kikamba (Kekamba) and Kiswahili, and many also speak English. Dialects include Masaku, South Kitui, North Kitui and Mumoni. 67% lexical similarity with Gikuyu, 66% with Embu, 63% with Chuka, 57% to 59% with Meru. 25% to 50% literate (this is possibly an underestimate).

Population: 2,448,302 (1989 census), comprising roughly 11% or 11.5% of the Kenya's population. A more recent estimate (1995) puts the number of Kikamba-speakers at around three million.

Location: Machakos, Kitui and South Central Districts of Eastern Province, to the southeast of Mount Kenya, and north of the Nairobi-Mombasa road. The area is locally known as Ukambani (or the Ukamba Highlands), and consists mostly of the high cliffs and maize-covered slopes of the Mbooni Hills ("place of the buffalo"), ranging between 500 and 2100 metres in altitude. The main towns are Machakos and Kitui. There's a small emigrant population near Kwale in Coast Province, and elsewhere in Kenya.

Way of life: The Kamba were traditionally agriculturalists and traders, and have long been involved in the police and armed forces. Agriculture remains the primary activity; small herds of cattle, sheep, goats are also kept. They are known in Kenya for their excellence in wood carving.

Religion: 60% Christian, 39% traditional religion, 1% Muslim. Contact with Christianity began around 1850, and it seems likely that many more Kamba have now become Christian than the figure stated above.

References: This information has been gathered from a number of sources. The best general sources about Kenyan culture are Andrew Fedders & Cynthia Salvadori's excellent "Peoples and Cultures of Kenya" (1979: Transafrica, Nairobi), and the equally good series of booklets produced by the Consolata Fathers in Nairobi, sadly now out of print. Specific sources that have been of help in writing this site are credited where appropriate. also noted is David Solomon's basic knowledge of the tribe.

Kambas make up about 11 percent of Kenya's total population. They speak the Kamba (or Kikamba) language.

Kamba people have special skills in woodcarving and basketry. They are also involved in other activities such as hunting, farming and pastoralism.

History of the Kamba Tribe

Kambas were involved in the long distance trade during the pre-colonial period. In the mid-eighteenth century, a large number of Akamba pastoral groups moved eastwards towards the Tsavo and Kibwezi areas along the coast. This migration was the result of extensive drought and a lack of pasture for their cattle. The Kambas settled in the Mariakani, Kisauni and Kinango areas of the coast of Kenya, creating the beginnings of urban settlement. They still reside in large numbers in these towns, and have become absorbed into the cultural, economic and political life of the modern-day Coast Province.

Culture & Lifestyle

In Kamba culture, the family is central to the life of the community. Before marriage, a man must pay a bride price (known as dowry), made in the form of cattle, sheep and goats, to the family of the bride. In a rural Kamba community, the man, who becomes the head of the family, undertakes an economic activity such as trading, hunting or cattle herding. He is known as Nau,Tata or Asa. The woman works on the land she is given when she joins her husband's household. She supplies the bulk of the food consumed by her family. She grows maize, millet, sweet potatoes, pumpkin, beans, pigeon peas, greens, arrowroot and cassava. Traditionally, it is the mother's role to raise the children.

Very little distinction is made between an individual's own children and the children of their sister or brother. Children address their uncle or aunt as tata (father) or mwaitu (mother). They often move from one household to another with ease, and are made to feel at home by their parents' siblings. Grandparents (Susu and Umau) help with the less strenuous chores around the home, such as rope making, tanning leather, cleaning calabashes and making arrows. Older women continue to work the land as their source of food, independence and economic security.

The Kamba tribe is also called the Akamba, and individuals of the tribe are referred to as Mukamba. The group is from the dry eastern and central regions of Kenya, between the cities of Nairobi, Tsavo and Embu.

While other Kenyan tribes can usually be categorized by certain trades or occupations, the Kamba tribe is involved in many economic areas. The Kamba are farmers as well as nomadic pastoralists. They wield quite a bit of economic power, as traders in all forms of goods. Traditionally, the Kamba traded with many other tribes, like the Kikuyu, Masai, and Meru.

History of the Kamba

The origins of the Kamba begin in western Tanzania, where they migrated from. Coming through the Usambara Mountains, they settled into eastern Kenya.
Some of the tribe were forced to migrate closer to the coast due to 18th century droughts in their homelands. Many of the modern coastal cities have sizable populations of Kamba, though there are still large numbers living in rural areas.
Their settlements along the coast, and trading ties with inland tribes made members of the Kamba tribe very valuable as guides to the first European settlers. From guides, many Kamba ended up then serving in the British military during both World Wars.
As the colonization of Kenya continued, the Kamba did not lose as much of their land as some other tribes due to its dry and somewhat unproductive climate. Though they did not lose as much land as others, they did lose their unique trade routes with the coming of the British railway through the country.

Kamba Culture and Lifestyle

Before marriage, a man pays a substantial price in cattle to the family of the bride. The husband is head of the household, and the wife is responsible for all duties in the home including tending the family's crops. Extended families live close together, and children tend to move freely among the adults, staying with parents as well as aunts and uncles.
Initiation into adulthood is marked with circumcision, for males and many females as well. Female circumcision is officially banned in Kenya, but many among the Kamba still hold the tradition.
The tribe is well-known for its artistic abilities, especially wood carving, basket making and pottery. Their work is found all over Kenya in shops and galleries.

Kamba Religion

The traditional god of the Kamba tribe is Ngai, or sometimes he is called Mulungu. He is considered a merciful god, but not approachable by man. People make offerings to the spirits of their dead ancestors to intercede with Ngai on their behalf. These beliefs are not as common as in the past, with most of the Kamba being converted Christians.

For more pages check on the archives of these website.

David Solomon, Kamba, my people Mwingi Kenya.

Driving schools in Kenya

There are many driving schools in Kenya. Some are genuine, others are not. Some offer limited services, others offer specialised training. For example, if your purpose is to become a professional driver, you might want a school that has additional training and certification such as First Aid Course for Drivers, Basic Mechanics and Vehicle Maintenance and Security Driving.
Therefore, before you register with a school, carefully investigate whether it is valid and that they have all the services that you require. Below is a list of the main Driving schools in Nairobi:
AA Driving School of Kenya
Rocky Driving School
Wings
Heltz
Kenya Institute of Highways and Building technology
National Youth Service Driving School.
Seniors Driving school
Wajimmy Driving school
Glen Edmunds Driving school

How to get a Driver’s License in Kenya

Get a Driver's License

You may have seen a job that is perfect for you... except that you need to have a driver's license or even your own transport. Maybe you're spending so much on taxi and bus fare every day and you think you could have bought your own car with that money by now. Maybe the perfect job is just too far away to use public transport. Whatever your reasons, getting your Driver's License can help you to get a better job, even if you can't afford to buy a car right now. So where do you start?

This for those who want to have a legal, Kenyan driving license

How to:

You must be 18 years and above.
Decide which kind of motor vehicle you want to learn to drive i.e. small car, truck, lorry, trailer or motorcycle.
Go to a registered driving school and register for classes.
After registering at a driving schol, you are issued with a learner's driving license
Take at least 14 driving lessons which cover actual driving on the road and in the class room where you learn rules and regulations of driving in Kenya through practicing on a table model of different road situations.
At the end of the lessons you will do a traffic exam.
Your driving school will register you at the nearest traffic police testing centre.
Traffic police driving test centres can be found in district headquarters. Nairobi has 2 centres at Karen and Thika Road.
If you pass the exam, you are issued with a 3 month interim driving license
The driving license is sent to you after 21 days as a registered letter through your post office.

10 Reasons You Aren't Rich

The reason why you aren't a millionaire (or on your way to becoming one) is really quite simple. You probably assume it's because you aren't earning enough money, but the truth is that for most people, whether or not you become a millionaire has very little to do with the amount of money you make. It's the way that you treat money in your daily life.

Here are 10 possible reasons you aren't a millionaire:

10. You Care What Your Neighbors Think
If you're competing against them and their material possessions, you're wasting your hard-earned money on toys to impress them instead of building your wealth.

9. You Aren't Patient
Until the era of credit cards, it was difficult to spend more than you had. That is not the case today. If you have credit card debt because you couldn't wait until you had enough money to purchase something in cash, you are making others wealthy while keeping yourself in debt.
8. You Have Bad Habits

Whether it's smoking, drinking, gambling or some other bad habit, the habit is using up a lot of money that could go toward building wealth. Most people don't realize that the cost of their bad habits extends far beyond the immediate cost. Take smoking, for example: It costs a lot more than the pack of cigarettes purchased. It also negatively affects your wealth in the form of higher insurance rates and decreased value of your home.

7. You Have No Goals
It's difficult to build wealth if you haven't taken the time to know what you want. If you haven't set wealth goals, you aren't likely to attain them. You need to do more than state, "I want to be a millionaire." You need to take the time to set saving and investing goals on a yearly basis and come up with a plan for how to achieve those goals.

6. You Haven't Prepared
Bad things happen to the best of people from time to time, and if you haven't prepared for such a thing to happen to you through insurance, any wealth that you might have built can be gone in an instant.

5. You Try to Make a Quick Buck
For the vast majority of us, wealth doesn't come instantly. You may believe that people winning the lottery are a dime a dozen, but the truth is you're far more likely to get struck by lightning than win the lottery. This desire to get rich quickly likely extends into the way you invest, with similar results.

4. You Rely on Others to Take Care of Your Money
You believe that others have more knowledge about money matters, and you rely exclusively on their judgment when deciding where you should invest your money. Unfortunately, most people want to make money themselves, and this is their primary objective when they tell you how to invest your money. Listen to other people's advice to get new ideas, but in the end you should know enough to make your own investing decisions.

3. You Invest in Things You Don't Understand
You hear that Bob has made a lot of money doing it, and you want to get in on the gravy train. If Bob really did make money, he did so because he understood how the investment worked. Throwing in your money because someone else has made money without fully understanding how the investment works will keep you from being wealthy.

2. You're Financially Afraid
You are so scared of risk that you keep all your money in a savings account that is actually losing money when inflation is put into the equation, yet you refuse to move it to a place where higher rates of return are possible because you're afraid that you will lose money.

1. You Ignore Your Finances
You take the attitude that if you make enough, the finances will take care of themselves. If you currently have debt, it will somehow resolve itself in the future. Unfortunately, it takes planning to become wealthy. It doesn't magically happen to the vast majority of people.

In reality, it is probably not just one of the above bad habits that has kept you from becoming a millionaire, but a combination of a few of them. Take a hard look at the list, and do some reflecting. If you want to be a millionaire, it's well within your power, but you'll have to face the issues that are currently keeping you from creating that wealth before you will have a chance to call yourself one.

Six Steps to Letting Go of Your Past

Write, talk, draw, paint, or otherwise tap into your thoughts and memories. Letting go of your past means honoring your memories.
Let go of the emotions and feelings of painful memories by letting them wash over you – you'll feel horrible during, but relieved and peaceful afterwards. Let go of your past by reliving it.
Go back and talk to the people involved, if possible. Letting go of your past can mean going back.
Share your real feelings; confess if it's appropriate. Letting go of your past means expressing your emotions. If you have to deal with your mistakes, then own up to your shame or guilt.
Apologize and ask forgiveness if you need to. Letting go of your past means being vulnerable.
Get help with uncontrollable urges to overeat, get stoned or drunk, or otherwise hurt yourself. Letting go of your past means burying your pride.

MY ONE AND ONLY!! (poem)

My bear
my dear
i swear
2 turn your fear
2 courage
to turn your failure
into added advantage
and to turn
your stress
into relief

My bear
my dear
you are a treasure
one without measure
i value you
The place value of you
is ONES
Yes my one
one and only
you fill my heart wholly

My bear
my dear
back then you were my vision
now you are my mission
your name is my invocation
I'll give you every kind of ovation
give you the undivided devotion
coz at the moment,you're my addiction
i cant possibly stop ,coz you are my destination
am on my way 2 your direction
i will only quit after showing you my affection!

My one
one and only

by Nelas Aginga, KU kenya

15 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK...

1. It's an incentive for staff to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care when you are pissed.
7. It eliminates leave time because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are drunk.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at a bar after work
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk only on their lunch break.
15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up if they can stay drunk

Facts about sex......!! Scientists say...

Scientists say

Scientists have determined that the average time of intercourse lasts 4 minutes. The average number of strokes is 9 per minute, making the average intercourse 36 strokes long. Since the average length of a penis is about 6 inches, the average girl receives 216 inches of penis or 18 feet of penis per intercourse.

If the average girl does it 3 times a week, (that makes 156 times annually) 156 x 18 feet of penis makes 2808 feet, or just over a half mile of penis per year.

If a girl starts having sex at 16, and since the average life span of a woman is 75, you could say that you could be getting 2808 feet of penis x 59 years of sex makes 165,672 feet, or 55,224 yards, or a little over 31 miles of penis in your lifetime.

Lessons From Suffering

More than a hundred years ago, a lonely, poor boy from Germany came to the United States. His first job was for four dollars a week as a helper in a tiny store in Ohio. Since the owner allowed him to sleep at night in a big packing case in the store without paying any rent, he was able to save one dollar a week.
His next job at a bank paid him eight dollars a week. Here he slept in a loft over the bank office and continued to save all he could.
One day he saw some musical instruments for sale that reminded him how he and his friend back in Germany used to make such instruments. So he sent his life's savings of $700 to his friends in Germany and had them ship a supply of their instruments. The first shipment sold very quickly. He sent for more and was on his way to becoming a successful businessman.
The business this boy started eventually manufactured such musical instruments as pianos, organs, music boxes, and player pianos. It became a multimillion dollar business. The boy's name? Rudolph Wurlitzer.
Chances are, had this boy not started out lonely and penniless, he wouldn't have achieved what he did. His difficult circumstances generated the motivation that made him successful.
Life's like that. Difficult times, economic hardships, business setbacks, sicknesses, sorrows, heartbreaks, and crises come to all of us at some time. When they do, we often feel like we've struck out and failed. However, the only real failure in life is not to get up one more time than we've been knocked down.

The Chinese have two characters
for the word 'crisis'. One means
danger; the other, opportunity.
The Chinese have two characters for the word "crisis". One means danger; the other, opportunity. How right they are! In every crisis there is a danger of being defeated or the opportunity for growth.
The question is: How can we turn crises and suffering into opportunities?
First, we need to realize that we have a choice. Our difficulties can make us bitter or better. They can become a stumbling block or a stepping stone. They can make us resentful or we can see in them an opportunity to be creative. The choice, however, is ours.
In ancient times people used an instrument called a tribulum. It was used to beat grain in order to divide the chaff from the wheat. It's the word from which we get our word "tribulation." In the development of human character it's tribulation that divides "the chaff from the wheat."
In the Bible it says, "We also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."1
Second, we need to accept and master our problems—not run from them.
Most of us remember the story of Daniel being thrown into the lions' den because of his religious convictions. Imagine what might have happened had Daniel denied his problem, or if he had rebelled—and justifiably so—against being thrown into the den and then struggled desperately to get out. The lions probably would have torn him to shreds in short order.
Daniel didn't even try to defend himself—against the authorities or the lions. As terrifying as it was, Daniel accepted his situation. I can imagine him thinking, "I'm in this predicament. I can't escape. How can I make the best of it?"
Undoubtedly, it was the acceptance of his situation as well as his faith in God that saved him. Note, though, his faith didn't save him from the lion's den. It saved him in it! That's the stuff of growth and maturity.

It is human nature to want to escape or run from suffering, but doing this doesn't help us grow and sometimes we learn too late that what we escaped to is worse than what we escaped from. Unfortunately, we rarely change or grow unless we are hurting sufficiently. This is why James wrote in the Bible, "Consider it pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."2
Third. We need to face the causes. If there is one thing in life that I have learned, it is this: the problem is never the problem!
That is, what we blame our problem on is rarely the true cause. Often that's the symptom. For instance, my criticism of someone else may be caused more by my jealousy than by what that person did. My hurt feelings or anger at another person may be a reflection of my insecurity or unresolved hostility. I may unconsciously be looking for a peg to hand my anger on; that is, an excuse to blame somebody else for my unresolved problem.
Only as we become truly honest with ourselves and face the actual causes of our difficulties can we begin to resolve them. Jesus Christ expressed a universal principle when he said, "You will know the truth and the truth will set you free."3

The pain passes, but the
beauty remains—forever.
Fourth. To turn our crises into opportunities, we need to ask the question, "What might God be trying to say to me through my adverse circumstances?"
Remember, because he was in prison John Bunyan wrote his literary masterpiece, Pilgrim's Progress, and through rising above her severe handicaps Helen Keller became a great inspiration to millions.
And so it is with each of us. No matter what happens to us, God wants to use our suffering to strengthen us, to mature us, and to make us better persons.
If you are going through a time of sickness, sorrow, depression, financial setback, a broken relationship, or feel you have failed in some way, can you accept that God wants to use your suffering to help you grow and become closer to him? Can you ask him to help you see what you might be contributing to your situation, for the courage to do your part in resolving it, and through it help you to grow?
After a long winter, spring eventually comes and with it new leaves appear on the trees in all their refreshing beauty. In the summer they thrive. In the fall they die. But in dying their beauty is greater than in the spring. But the tree doesn't die. The falling leaves just make further growth possible. And that's the cycle of life-struggle, pain, beauty, growth.
Apparently, in his later years, Renoir, the famous French painter, suffered badly from arthritis. On one occasion his close friend, Matisse, questioned him, "My friend, why do you keep on painting when you are in so much pain?" To which Renoir thoughtfully replied, "The pain passes, but the beauty remains!"
For all who trust their life to God and ask him to use their struggles to help them grow, their pain, too, will pass, but their beauty will remain—forever. "Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall."4
Be sure to invest your pain. Don't waste it. Invest it wisely in your own growth and in the growth of others.

How do i submit PAYE online

You can file your return directly online by ;Log in with your password, select RETURN, then fill-in return, select PAYE INCOME TAX WITHHOLDING P10 then select the period of the return, P10 RETURN will be displayed on the screen, complete the return and submitAlternatively and the most recommended way is to complete the return offline using Tax Payer Software(TSW) downloadable free of charge from the portal (www.kra.go.ke/portal), after completing the return log in the system using your password, select RETURN, then upload return, browse and attach the zipped file and submit. For a payment return use sub menu RETURN, ENTERNAL SERVICES then Generate ESLIP. The ESLIP should be taken to the bank for the payment of the tax

For many EMPLOYEES use EXPORT TO CSV (comma separated value) icon displayed on the right column and work out the P10A on the spreadsheet. The other way is to work out the P10A in an excel sheet and copy and paste on the CSV file. If you have an accounting software, configure it to produce a report in the form of a P10A and then copy and paste it to the CSV. After completing the CSV save the fileThe next stage is to use IMPORT FROM CSV icon displayed in the right column. You will be directed to open the CSV file and attach. Save and Save for submission. You can then file the zipped file using the process described above.
Take note that there we have free KRA online training sessions every Thursday starting from 9am to 1pm at Times Tower 5^th floor and also at our KRA stations countrywide on days specified by the respective stations.

You can also get in touch with kra on 254204999999,+254202812185, +254202816167,254202816166,+25420341070,+254202815066,+254202250993, +254202815059 or +254202816195 or email controlroom@kra.go.ke or callcenter@kra.go.ke or visit your nearest KRA office whichever is convenient to you for further assistance

latest crazy posts on facebook..soma ucheke

A nigerian mum says after receiving news that her teen daughter is pregnant, "chineeeke, my daughter u have killed me oooo, i told u if a man touches ur breast say 'DON'T' and if he touches ur pussy say 'STOP'... u dint listen to me u stupid gal" the gal replied "but mama i did... he was touching both places at the same time so i said 'DON'T STOP'!

Admin Niaje??naona unafikiria kuoga leo pia na jana ulioga tena.ushawahi fanya hesabu ya hio process.??hebu fikirha-kumaliza sabuni,kujiona uchi,kuchafua towel,kuzeesha nguo za ndani.na bado uko kwa mtandao wa kuambukizwa homa!fikiria achana na mpango wa kuoga.epuka homa.gudday

An arab ws asked to give a speech to deaf n dumb pple. He gets up on stage squizd his breast touchd his dick and started mastabating. Organizers pulled him off stage and asked him what the hell he ws doing. He said "i just wanted to start by saying Ladies n Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure...

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S.of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

We R celebrating Special Education week n Autism Awareness Month, and this is in honor of all children made in a unique way-Autism is a developmental disorder that appears in the first 3 years of life, and affects the brain's normal development of social and communication skillsPLIZ repost this and honor Kenyan children who are made in a unique way.

The meaning of crazy is not talking to yourself...or even answering yourself ..it's asking yourself to repeat what you just said because u didn't pay attention...

DREAMS OF WIFE, HUSBAND

A wife woke up from her night's sleep and began recounting her dream to her husband.
"I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks in this place,"she began, "the big ones went for a tenner and the thick ones went for 20."

..."How about the ones like mine?" asked her husband.
"Those they gave away," she replied tongue in cheek.

"I had a dream too," started the husband. "I dreamt they were auctioning off fannies. The pretty ones went for a 1000 and the little tight ones went for double that!"

"And how much for the ones like mine?" enquired the wife to her husband.
"That's where they held the auction," he replied

Jennifer Lopez ft Lil Wayne– I’m Into You Lyrics

[Lil Wayne]
Hi, I’m Tune, the man on the moon
I live on the beach, get the sand out ya shoes
And all of that changed since I met you
So we can leave that old shit in the restroom
Ok, I’m into you, like you never knew
I’m falling for you baby, I need a parachute
So wet, I need a wetsuit
You’re way too fly, I could be ya jet fuel
Now tell me what you like
I like what you tell me
And if you understand me, you can overwhelm me
It’s too late, it’s too late
Every finish line is the beginning of a new race
Young Money!

[J Lo]
You got me and I could not defend it
I tried but I had to surrender
Your style got me under the spell
Let me no other choice but to get down
It’s too late, it’s too late
It’s too late, it’s too late
You got it, you got it
You got it, you got it
When I look into your eyes, it’s over
You got me hooked with your love controller
I’m trippin’ and I could not get over
I feel lucky like a four leaf clover
I’m into you, I’m into you
I’m into you, yeaaah
I’m into you, I’m into you
I’m into you, yeaaah

Nana nananana nana-na-eh
Nana nananana nana-na-eh

Listen, now I’m strong baby I bring the fire on
Sharp shooter you can call me the zion
I’m not the one easy to get to
But all that changed, baby when I met you
It’s too late, it’s too late
It’s too late, it’s too late
You got it, you got it
You got it, you got it
When I look into your eyes, it’s over
You got me hooked with your love controller
I’m trippin’ and I could not get over
I feel lucky like a four leaf clover
I’m into you, I’m into you
I’m into you, yeaaah
I’m into you, I’m into you
I’m into you, yeaaah
Nana nananana nana-na-eh
Nana nananana nana-na-eh
I’m not burning and I’m feeling you boy
Get it on if you feeling my world now
I love the way that you moving
And I’m listening to how you grooving
So if you need me, just call on the cruise
We can be whatever that you want in the news
Boy, cause I’m on it and you on it
So we just tell me now
When I look into your eyes, it’s over
You got me hooked with your love controller
I’m trippin’ and I could not get over
I feel lucky like a four leaf clover
I’m into you, I’m into you
I’m into you, yeaaah
I’m into you, I’m into you
I’m into you, yeaaah
Nana nananana nana-na-eh
Nana nananana nana-na-eh
I’m into you, I’m into you
I’m into you, yeaaah baby
I’m into you, I’m into you
I’m into you, yeaaah
I tried to count the correct amount of “na-na-na-na’s” but feel free to drop any corrections in the comments.

THE CORDIAL TIMES

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