Woman With World's Largest Vagina Ready to Give It Another Go

In a tell-all interview, the woman with the world's largest vagina said she wants to enjoy what remains of her career as much as possible, and if that means her box doesn't reach The Spoof's top stories box as often as it used to, that's okay with her.

"I already knew the window for its career could be short. I just didn't know how short," said the owner of a lower reproductive tract widely known for its incredible girth - that has already suffered serious injuries and gone under the knife during its brief career.

She said her vagina's limelight began to fade at The Spoof when it was upstaged by real celebrity vaginas, like those of Britney Spears, and later Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez.

After that, even celebrities like Rob Pattinson and Adam Lambert started stealing the spotlight despite their apparent lack of vaginas, leaving her ponderous poontang virtually closed for business at The Spoof.

Nevertheless, stubborn writers continued to cast the hapless megatwat in increasingly outlandish scenarios, trying to recapture its glory days, which inevitably took its toll.

Following a critically acclaimed six-month tour of The World's Largest Vagina Monologues -- during which guest celebrities that included Whoopi Goldberg and Rosie O'Donnell performed monologues from within the confines of her lower reproductive tract -- she was diagnosed with vaginal hyperextension, as well as the world's largest yeast infection.

This led to a series of complicated surgeries and treatments, after which she retreated to convalesce at her home in West Vagina.

But, she says she's been getting her almost-as-good-as-new, oversized orifice warmed up, and she's ready to give it another go.

"The last two or three days, it's felt as good as it's ever felt," she noted.

Despite this, she admitted that she normally wakes up in the morning with a pain in her vagina, and she has to be careful for the first 45 minutes or so to make sure she loosens it up correctly. The canal leading to her uterus "isn't as moist as it used to be, and it's still barking at me a little," she noted.

She recognizes that overuse likely played a role in the ineffectiveness of many stories featuring her supersized slit, she said, and she knows that even though her vagina feels great, she still has to be careful about letting writers overuse it.

"They'll keep at it 'til readership has gone bone dry. It's best for writers of both sexes not to force things. On the other hand, if they go with the flow, I just may find myself riding a series of peaks and valleys until they finally hit that sweet spot, which means they'll get to climax with me in the top position!

"Until then," said the woman with the world's largest vagina, "they're all just hacks as far as I'm concerned."

And probably even after that, as far as everyone else is concerned.

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