New Rules For Employment (crazy post)

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, Relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with ''''''''''''''''A'''''''''''''''' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names begin with ''''''''''''''''B'''''''''''''''' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you''''''''''''''''re unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees'''''''''''''''' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

Better sex Are you interested in having better sex with her?

Proceed with caution
Do not criticize your wife. This will have a negative effect. You must be very gentle with your wife. Remember, it's not what you say but how you say it. Be honest about how you feel. Let your wife know that you would like to try new things in the bedroom such as a new position. Make suggestions. Just remember to be very gentle with your approach and avoid making your wife feel inadequate.
Don't be pushy
Once you have spoke with your wife about how you feel don't keep bringing it back up. Say how you feel, make a few suggestions and then give her some time. Your wife will need time because her feelings may be a little hurt by the fact that she is not pleasing you in the bedroom. She will need a little time to herself before she will feel comfortable trying out some of the suggestions you have made.
Be a good listener
Most men automatically think their wives are no longer attached to them sexually. Although this can sometimes be the case, often times it is not. A woman's body goes through an unbelievable amount of changes. Some women as they get older become fearful of showing off their bodies. Your wife may also be going through menopause or have a medical condition that is affecting her sex drive. It is important to talk to your wife but more important to listen.

Give her a gift
If you are still unsure of how to approach the topic of sex with your wife you might consider giving her a gift that lets her know where you are coming from. For instance you could give her a book with different sexual positions or a new sexy outfit. Besides being a nice gesture giving a gift is also a great way to spark up a conversation. This could make it a little bit easier for you to talk to your wife about your sexual wants and needs. In short, don't avoid talking to your wife about sex. Just remember to be gentle and above all be a good listener.
.........by a FAN (NAME WITHELD)

10 Things You Didn't Know About Kissing Ladies get your Pen and Pad out. .and Get ready to take Notes.

Here are the "10 Things You Didn't Know About Kissing". .



1. There are tons of nerve endings. .in your lips (100 times more than in your fingertips!) that stimulate desire. That's why smooching before, during, and after sex can be extremely arousing and satisfying.



2. Forty Percent of men say that. .a really long, steamy kiss will get them immediately ready for sex. 


3. Pay attention to those "See Ya Later" pecks. If your guy routinely only gives you a quick kiss on the cheek when saying good-bye, it could be that he's guarded and doesn't emote easily. If this is a more recent development, it's a warning sign; he may be feeling ambivalent about the relationship.


4. Instantly turn up the kissing intimacy by. .closing the "A-frame": a smooching stance in which you and your guy are in the middle of a smooch but your hips are a mile apart. By pressing your hips together, the degree of desire quickly rises.


5. The Best way to kiss a guy's ear? Kiss and suck on his earlobe for a moment and then trace the outline of his ear with the tip of your tongue. (Bonus points if you whisper something naughty to him.)


6. Men initiate "Open-Mouth Kissing" to transfer libido-boosting testosterone to their partner. So when he's getting a little more aggressive, it's not just about his desire — he wants you to be a bit more amorous too.


7. Men are more than twice as likely. .to have sex with a bad kisser than are women.


8. When coy kisses Aren't Going To Cut It. .here's why you should let loose: Passionate kisses elevate your blood pressure and cause your heart to beat faster, getting you more excited, and making it easier for you to reach orgasm.


9. Fifty-Four Percent of women. .between the ages of 18 and 24 say they've kissed another girl. That number drops to 43 percent for those between 25 and 34.


10. During the middle ages people signed legal contracts. .by making an "X" on the document and then kissing it to pledge their honor. That's how XX became shorthand for a smooch.