If you are looking for funny, witty, or sweet status updates about love, dating and relationships, this is it...
  1. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.– Albert Einstein
  2. Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
  3. You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty.
  4. When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires.
  5. Men only have two faults….What they do, and what they say!
  6. You can’t buy love on eBay.
  7. If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
  8. A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
  9. Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.
  10. I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
  11. The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
  12. Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.

If you are looking for funny, witty, or clever facebook status message updates regarding children, you have come to the right place. Below are some of the most hilarious sayings of all time on the subject!
  1. Explaining the Mad Hatter’s “unbirthday” to your child is a decision you will regret 364 days a year.
  2. Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
  3. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat
    word for word what you shouldn’t have said.
  4. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching
    them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years
    telling them to sit down and shut-up.
  5. Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
  6. I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids
    do you want?
  7. Children are natural mimics who act like their parents,
    despite every effort to teach them good manners.
  8. Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like
    shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing.
  9. “There is only one pretty child in the world… and every
    mother has it.” -A  Chinese Proverb.
  10. Children will soon forget your presents. They will always
    remember your presence.
  11. The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind
    yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
  12. Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your kids.
  13. “Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?”
  14. You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of
    the people some of the time, but you can never fool mom.
  15. A child’s greatest period of growth is the month after
    you’ve purchased new school clothes.
  16. Anyone who says “Easy as taking candy from a baby”
    has never tried it.
  17. The best inheritance parents can give their children is
    a few minutes of their time each day.
  18. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
  19. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
  20. Children in backseats cause accidents – Accidents in backseats cause children.
  21. The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
  22. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

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"His priority did not seem to be to teach them what he knew, but rather to impress upon them that nothing, not even... knowledge, was foolproof." ~~ J. K. Rowling

"This is as true in everyday life as it is in battle: we are
given one life and the decision is ours whether to wait for
circumstances to make up our mind, or whether to act, and in
acting, to live."

-- Omar Bradley

There is no courtesy desk for us to go to get a refund on an unused life. 

"A true friend is the greatest of all blessings, and that which we take the least care of all to acquire." ~~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Minor burns
If you have a minor burn peel a potatoe take the skins of the potatoe and rub the peeled side to your skin.

 "Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world." ~~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first.
- William Shakespeare

A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else.
- George Savile
Keep moving. Don't stop. But don't rush.
Don't race around.
Sure and steady gets you there every time.
- Neale Donald Walsch

Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman,
before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air.
- John Quincy Adams

"You can educate a fool, but you cannot make him think." 
The Talmud

Do all things in love !
Work like you dont need the money!

Dance like no ones watching!

Love like you have never been hurt!
Winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is.
- Vince Lombardi

Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

It's one of life's great paradoxes ...

Accepting with gratitude whatever life throws at us is critical to happiness.

"Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds,
can change the outer aspects of their lives."

-- William James

  "And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." ~~ Abraham Lincoln

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
- St. Francis of Assisi

We shall find peace. We shall hear angels.
We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do.
- Mother Teresa

In your brother is The Light.
See him as sinless, and there can be no fear in you.
- A Course In Miracles

As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.
- Marianne Williamson

"There is no such thing as 'on the way out' as long as you are
still doing something interesting and good; you're in the
business because you're breathing."

-- Louis Armstrong

"There is no subject so old that something new cannot be said about it." 
 Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky

You're standing on the threshold of success. Don't look down, it'll make you dizzy.
- Timothy Q. Mouse in the Walt Disney movie Dumbo

Dumbo! C'mon, fly! Open them ears! The magic feather was just a gag! You can fly! Honest, you can!
- Timothy Q. Mouse in the movie Dumbo

If you can dream it, you can do it.
- Walt Disney

Sometimes, like Dumbo, we need a "magic feather" to remind us of how powerful we are. Placing attention on a ceremony or symbol can be a useful "ladder" in helping us to reach the power that has always been within us.

"The dream begins with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs
and pushes and leads you to the next plateau, sometimes poking
you with a sharp stick called 'truth.'"

-- Dan Rather



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