Below is a list of the 10 petty
Beware: The City's deadliest sins
1. Buying from hawkers
2. Sitting on a flower pot in the CBD 3. Spitting on any footpath or blowing
the nose aimlessly other than into a
suitable cloth or tissue
4. Taking or alighting from a matatu
from a non-designated area
5. Crossing the road while you are on
6. Making any kind of noise on the
7. Playing any game, riding or driving
or propelling on a foot path
9. Owner of a burning building should
pay for fire fighting services whether
the owner requested for attendance
11. Having you car with a 'FOR SALE'
sign and haven't paid the council is
• kwenu nyi ni wengi mpaka last born anaitwa "enough is enough"
• hao yenu ni ya manyasi. wagondi (thugs) wakikuja, wana wika "funga ama tulete ng'ombe!"
• ati naskia uko na bonoko ndogo, hadi ukikojoa unaishika kama ndukulu,na uki mbao unaishika kama fegi. • ati mlango za gari yenyu huwa zinafungwa na vifungo za shati
... • kwenyu nyinyi ni mababi mpaka dogi yenyu hu-bark na tweng.
• nyanya yenu mzee ni mpaka alinyang`anywa I.D
• mbuyuako ni mrefu mpaka akianza kuvaa trouser ikifika waist ishakwisha fashion.
• kwenyu nyinyi ni wa black mkiingia kwa mat' dirisha zina kuwa tinted.
.• nywele zako ni ngumu before uchanue unameza painkillers.
• wewe ni mkonda mpaka socks zako hufunga na belt zisianguke.
• wewe ni fala hadi ulirepeat sunday school
• ati wewe ni mweusi mpaka shetani akikuona anasema….JESUS!
• ati mbuyu wako ni fala badala ya kukubuy text book ya form two, alikubuyia mbili za form one
• ngozi yako ni tight tu sana hadi ukifunga macho miguu inainuka
A Man Utd fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Man Utd shirt. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter in a Arsenal scarf.
Hello mate," says St. Peter,"I'm sorry, no Man Utd fans in heaven." What?Exclaims the man, astonished.
You heard, no Man Utd fans.
"But, bt, bt, I've been a gud man," replies the Man Utd supporter.
Oh really, says St. Peter. Wat have yu done, then?
Well, said the guy, Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa.
Oh,says St. Peter. "Anything else?
Well, 2 wks b4 I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless.
Yeah.A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans.
Okay,said St. Peter,You wait here a minute while I av a word with the governor.
Ten minutes pass b4 St. Peter returns.He luks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God nd he agrees with me.Here's your thirty pounds back, now screw off.
Teacher ;" What do u want to be when u grow up?"
Little Johnny ; " A doctor ".
Teacher ; " Why ?"
Little Johnny ;" Bcoz thats e only job where u can ask a woman to take off her clothes & make her husbamd pay for it ".
UJINGA NI KUKOL DAME KWA PHONE AND SHE GOES LIKE" aki hata nimenini ,uyo jamaa ameni nini mpaka i ninid before i was ninwad by the funny kanini he got in his nini..hahaha aki i wass Soo nini at that time" Add more.. by Joshua Mbaga-Laugh Factory
1) If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and PRONTO!!! The blockage will be instantly removed.
2) Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing veggies, by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away!
3) For those with High Blood Pressure, simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure on your veins.
4) Finding it hard 2 get up in the mornings? Just place a mousetrap on your alarm's snooze button! No more rolling over and falling asleep again.
5) If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you wil be afraid to cough!
6) For toothaches, get a hammer and hit your thumb as hard as you can! You wil forget about that toothache in a jiffy!
HOPE MY TIPS WILL HELP IN THE NOT SO DISTANT FUTURE! ;)