Mathare University of insane creativity posts offline

Boy-Isn't Our Principal at MUIC An Idiot?

Girl-Do U Know Who I m?

Boy-No.. ...

Girl-I m His Daughter..

Boy-Do U Know Me?


Boy-Thank God..!..:P.............HEHEHHEH Good Night/Morning all....
If Paper is very
Tough in Exam,
just close ur eyes, take a Deep
Breathe & say Loudly
"Dis Subject is very Interesting, I want
2 Study it 1 more Time" ;) :D
ABBREVIATIONS Which Are Not Known To Many Of Us:

COLD : Chronic Obstructive Lung Disease.
JOKE : Joy Of Kids Entertainment.
AIM : Ambition In Mind.
DATE : Day And Time Evolution.
EAT : Energy And Taste.
TEA : Taste And Energy Admitted.
PEN : Power Enriched In Nib.).
SMILE : Sweet Memories In Lip Expression.
BYE : Beside You Everytime... =)
Phone call chart between patient DAN and psychatrist DOC.

DAN; Daktari i av a headache every morning i wake up.
DOC; Thats stress,do u know this classic FM morning show "kasheshe".
DAN ; Yes.
DOC ; Theres a commedian 'Kingangi" if u listen to him ua sickness wil go away.
DAN; But doc am kingangi himself aka Churchill Dan Ndambuki.
DOC ; Dead mute.
A guy writes a letter to his girl friend singing one of the best love songs which say”babybabybaby baby I love weeeeeeeeeeee................................. to which a girl replays ok you gave me love I put it in my shop that has never been to operational since it was built and now my shop is set on fire I want a fire brigade,,,, oh my God who can f**k me now?
Last Thursday was my Birthday,
My wife & kids didn't wish me,
I went to work,my friends didn't wish me.
I entered my cabin, my P.A said happy birthday boss.
I felt special. she asked me for lunch,
After lunch she invited me to her apartment.
There she said 'Do u mind if i go to my bedroom for a minute'?
'Okay Fine' I said nervously.
She came out few minutes later wit a large cake followed by my wife, kids, friends and i was sitting there
NAKED. :-(
Teacher: which is the best month of study?

Student: Octembruary

Teacher: dont be silly there is o such a month . . . . .

Student: exactly:D:D
Teacher: which is the best month of study?

Student: Octembruary

Teacher: dont be silly there is NO SUCH A A MONTH . . . . .

Student: exactly:D:D
Teacher: which is the best month of study?

Student: Octembruary

Teacher: dont be silly there is o such a month . . . . .

Student: exactly:D:D
Teacher: which is the best month of study?

Student: Octembruary

Teacher: dont be silly there is NO SUCH A A MONTH . . . . .

Student: exactly:D:D

Dear Sir
l refer to the recent death of the Technical manager @ ur company and wish to apply as a replacement to the dead manager,each time i apply for employment i am told ther is no vacancy but on this one i have caught u red handed cos i even attended the funeral and all burial proceedings and make sure that he was truly dead and buried before applying.
• kwenu nyi ni wengi mpaka last born anaitwa "enough is enough"
• hao yenu ni ya manyasi. wagondi (thugs) wakikuja, wana wika "funga ama tulete ng'ombe!"
• ati naskia uko na bonoko ndogo, hadi ukikojoa unaishika kama ndukulu,na uki mbao unaishika kama fegi.
• ati mlango za gari yenyu huwa zinafungwa na vifungo za shati
• kwenyu nyinyi ni mababi mpaka dogi yenyu hu-bark na tweng.
• nyanya yenu mzee ni mpaka alinyang`anywa I.D
• mbuyuako ni mrefu mpaka akianza kuvaa trouser ikifika waist ishakwisha fashion.
• kwenyu nyinyi ni wa black mkiingia kwa mat' dirisha zina kuwa tinted.
.• nywele zako ni ngumu before uchanue unameza painkillers.
• wewe ni mkonda mpaka socks zako hufunga na belt zisianguke.
• wewe ni fala hadi ulirepeat sunday school
• ati wewe ni mweusi mpaka shetani akikuona anasema….JESUS!
• ati mbuyu wako ni fala badala ya kukubuy text book ya form two, alikubuyia mbili za form one
• ngozi yako ni tight tu sana hadi ukifunga macho miguu inainuka
3 guyz r avn a drink in a bar,den a conversation abt coincidence ensues...da 1st guy says'wen my yf woz pregnant,she read da novel "da 2 cities" n gev birth 2 twins,de 2nd guy says his yf read "de 3 muskateers" n gev birth 2 triplets...den da 3rd guy started runnin' headin' hme,wen asked y he said 'my yf z pregnant n i left ha readin' ALIBABA N DA 40 THIEVES...bwahaha#DEAD#
A man who makes caskets was on his way to deliver one of the coffins when his car broke down. Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.

Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some money off him (bribe), so they challenged him: "Hey!!! What are you carrying and where are you going?!"

The man said, "I do not like where I was buried, so I am re...locating".

The Policemen ran for their lives. 
during a muic test th teacher came into class and drew a door on th blackboard he then asked th students to get out,all the muic students in th class ran to th board and squeezed to get out however mutua remained seated.the teacher approached him happy dat at least one of his students waz learning.Teacher:why arent you going out? Mutua:i want em to struggle first before i give them the keys to that door.
Dear lecturer
If i study more, i knw more!
If i know more, i forget more!
If i forget more, i know less!!
Sincerely MUIC adm no 1584
Jamaican Man was making love to his woman for da 1st time ~he suddenly screamed & ran out Of da room.. came back wit a glass of water n pour it in da woman's private part ..Frightened, da woman shouted "Wot da Hell Ya Do Dat Faw?" ...da man answered, 'Damn'it woman .dis ting too sweet man ~me gwan dilute it, rememba me diabetic'
Teacher: Why did yu laugh?
Boy: I saw 1 strip of ur bra.
Teacher: Get out of the class for one week.
2nd boy laughed.
Teacher: Why did yu laugh?
Boy: I saw both strips.
Teacher: Get out for 1 month.
She bent down 2 take chalk. Little CMM
started walking out.
Teacher: CMM , why r yu going out.?
Cmm: What I just saw, I think my school days are over.
Teacher: Tell me an example of a creature which can live on water as well as the land?
Student: Frog.
Teacher: Another example?
Student: Another Frog!

Teacher: Where is ur native place?
Student: Maharashramizaksiomanikhanir.
Teacher: Can u spell it?
Student: Actualy my native place is Fiji.

Teacher: Give me an example of Coincidence.
Student: My mom & dad got married on the same date!

Once my gal friend
invited mi to her home. Wen i got
thea i found her siz alone @
home,once i sat down she
whispered to ma ears " u know u
r handsome n av bin admirin u 4
so long,can we av sex b4 she
comes?" I stood up n headed 4
the front door wea i hard parked
my car n to my suprise i found
ma chik ryt outside n she hugged
mi sayn " u av won my trust
swirie lets go back" moral of thiz
story "always liv yo condoms in
yo cars".
Three students decided to escape from Mathare.The 1st one said,'If the fence is tall we shall dig a hole n pass under it',the 2nd one said,'If the fence is short we shall jump over it'.The 3rd one thot 4 a moment n said,'Guys i cant see any fence there lets go back'.so bak they went.
EVD PTT 4012 CONFIDENTIAL(coz they might be reading) 
TOP TWEETS ON TWITTER follow me @mathaeuni
1 I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

2 Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

... 3 I want to die peacefully in m...y sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

4 The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

5 Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.

6 Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

7 We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

8 Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

9 We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

10 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

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